Anxiety and Depression

Surprising Topic in General Conference - Fall 2014

I was so excited when I heard the talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland entitled "Like a Broken Vessel".  Talking about mental illnesses like depression and anxiety are no longer taboo.  Even the Church is recognizing that they are real illnesses that must be dealt with just like a cold or a broken bone.  Mental illnesses are nothing to be ashamed of and having one doesn't mean that the person who suffers from such an illness has done anything to deserve it. 

I have suffered depression in the past, associated by my doctor to a hormone imbalance.  For a short time I took Prozac but I didn't like the way it made me feel and it was even worse to get off.  After that experience I decided I was never going to take depression medicine again.  I dealt with my short, light bouts of depression pretty easily, wading through the creeks of sadness when they came, knowing they would soon pass.  But after I gave birth to my daughter the depression deepened into a  flowing stream.

The post-pardom depression was really tough but didn't last long.  The anxiety that came along with being a new mom I figured would eventually subside.  I put on my waders and trudged across those streams of anxiety and depression as they came, sure that I would make it to the other side eventually.  But in the two years since my daughter has been born, instead of that stream trickling back down to a creek as I expected it had grown into a raging river.  Now I was wading more than I was on dry land and the rushing water was up to my chest.  I felt that if I lost my foothold I could have been washed away down stream at any moment.  I was beginning to worry that I might not make it through.  My negative thoughts and self perception were taking over.

I finally went to my doctor and described my issues to her.  I knew that she would suggest a medication and I was ready to tell her that I had tried Prozac and was not impressed.  My doctor was very sympathetic and shared her experiences of depression with me.  She strongly recommended I try Wellbutrin.  Although I agreed and even filled the prescription I did not take it.  I was still determined to fight this feeling of depression and anxiety on my own. 

Then, Heavenly Father started nudging me.  First, our Ward had a Relief Society Activity on depression and anxiety.  We gathered as a group of women and had a psychiatrist teach on anxiety and depression.  We had a wonderful discussion in which we learned that most of us suffered from anxiety or depression at one time in our lives.  The psychiatrist also described how medication works in our brain to help depression.  She explained that, while there was no 'happy pill', medication was important for stopping the downward spiral so that the brain could begin an upward spiral with counseling, positive thinking and other such therapies. 

Soon after that informative and eye-opening activity General Conference weekend came.  When Elder Holland started his talk with "...I wish to speak to those who suffer from some form of mental illness or emotional disorder..." I almost screamed in excitement.  I couldn't believe that a topic that has been hidden away out of embarassment was being brought to light in something as huge as a General Conference talk.  Bringing the subject up in General Conference made me feel like I didn't have anything to be ashamed of in dealing with my own bouts of depression.  I decided after that talk to take the Wellbutrin that my doctor had prescribed earlier.  Although nothing has been a quick fix and I still battle the raging river of depression, I am at least knee deep most of the time.  I hope to continue across that river to the other side and return back to my streams and creeks in the future.

I am happy to know that the Church recognizes that depression and anxiety are illnesses just like any other illness and we should not be ashamed if we suffer from such illnesses.  I am glad to know that there is hope for those of us who suffer from anxiety and depression and that taking medication for these illnesses is acceptable.  I am also comforted by the fact that I do not suffer from anxiety and depression alone and that millions of women and men suffer symptoms much as I do.  Depression and anxiety don't have to be lonely illnesses that one tucks away in a closet and pretends not to have.  Let's continue to talk about them and recognize that depression and anxiety are no more embarassing than a cough and runny nose.